Monday, December 9, 2013
Where do you begin?
Binging, it happens. Then there is remorse. Why did I eat that? Why couldn't I stop myself. Ok, ok. Tomorrow I am going to throw away all of the... and only eat..... and I will make sure that I... The plan, that you keep on planning but somehow never sticks. How do you start? Where do you begin? Do you go cold turkey? Never touch another sweet again? Where do you begin. Where do you begin...
Thursday, August 1, 2013
The root cause is not in the bottom of a tub of ice cream.
Trust me. I've checked. The root cause is not in the bottom of a tub of ice cream. Not in the Cookies n Cream or the Cake Boss Red Velvet or the Half Baked. None of them. There is still a lot I don't know about eating disorders and as I explore, I hunt desperately for the reason for mine. I was loved and affirmed as a child, I have a great community that loves and encourages me daily, but I have no root cause. Why does suddenly the slightest stress send me spiraling down into bowl number 3 of cereal? I suppose the end of the journey has this answer but until then, time to dig, grain by grain, clump by clump through the dirt to unearth the roots below.
Tuesday, July 30, 2013
Becoming Louis Lane
This blog goes out to all of the wonderwomen of the world. The ones who try to be everybody's everything. The perfectionists. The leaders of. The go-getters. The ones-who-everyone-can-slack-around-them-because-they-have-their-stuff-together-ers. You.
We are a special breed of people. Somehow we have convinced both ourselves and the world that we have some special chromosome that makes us magically capable of accomplishing more than the average person and to a greater degree of perfection.
As we strive to achieve unrealistic goals, all to often we find ourselves frustrated and wondering how our efforts could be so fruitless. It may seem as silly as trying to touch the moon by jumping on a trampoline to most, however to us, it is a very real.
This same struggle to achieve perfection is not always just found in our careers, it often affects every molecule of our being. It goes without saying that some of those molecules affected are the fatty ones, the ones that we stare at and wish weren't there. The ones that if they would only go away, then we would be content. Just one more hour on the treadmill, denying one more bowl of ice cream, lifting one more weight, eating one more meal of celery. Are they gone yet? Nope. And back to the hamster wheel we go. Must...gain...perfection...Must...be...superwoman...No...flaws...visible.
Binge eating they say is common among perfectionists. The meticulous calorie counting, going to the gym for hours on end each day, getting frustrated by the lack of results as we stare in the mirror, eating thousands upon thousands of calories to comfort ourselves then repeating the cycle. It is a vicious cycle and one that is hard to break.
This post marks the start of one journey. A journey in attaining not a trophy for best body but freedom (a gift far better than any accolade). Freedom experienced by trading in Superwoman's cape for much more fitting attire. Becoming Louis Lane.
We are a special breed of people. Somehow we have convinced both ourselves and the world that we have some special chromosome that makes us magically capable of accomplishing more than the average person and to a greater degree of perfection.
As we strive to achieve unrealistic goals, all to often we find ourselves frustrated and wondering how our efforts could be so fruitless. It may seem as silly as trying to touch the moon by jumping on a trampoline to most, however to us, it is a very real.
This same struggle to achieve perfection is not always just found in our careers, it often affects every molecule of our being. It goes without saying that some of those molecules affected are the fatty ones, the ones that we stare at and wish weren't there. The ones that if they would only go away, then we would be content. Just one more hour on the treadmill, denying one more bowl of ice cream, lifting one more weight, eating one more meal of celery. Are they gone yet? Nope. And back to the hamster wheel we go. Must...gain...perfection...Must...be...superwoman...No...flaws...visible.
Binge eating they say is common among perfectionists. The meticulous calorie counting, going to the gym for hours on end each day, getting frustrated by the lack of results as we stare in the mirror, eating thousands upon thousands of calories to comfort ourselves then repeating the cycle. It is a vicious cycle and one that is hard to break.
This post marks the start of one journey. A journey in attaining not a trophy for best body but freedom (a gift far better than any accolade). Freedom experienced by trading in Superwoman's cape for much more fitting attire. Becoming Louis Lane.
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